Uncertainty

Grades

I do my best to be honest, and I am not quite sure how much is appropriate to share on a public blog, but I will say that I am struggling. Twenty-one units is tough, this semester seems even more difficult than last.  In the past, it was so easy to get A's. Literally no effort was involved. Yet now, no matter how much I study and memorize and practice and learn, it just does not seem to sink in. I have been warned that the brain can only handle so much, and I am beginning to think that person was right.

The problem is, there is not a darn thing I can do about it. Well, there actually is. I can give up, drop my most difficult class and stay here another year. Push back Davis, push back my dreams a little longer. Sure, it is only one year. A year. Twelve months. Three hundred and sixty-five days. That can be a very long time. Also, since I have been going to community college since 2009, I will not have any more financial aid after this semester. Right now, the BOG waiver pays for my classes. If I waited another year and tried to take classes, we would have to pay for them. That is something we just cannot afford to do. 

I do not know what will happen if I cannot pull straight A's this semester. I was counting on getting them to put my GPA back where it should be after the failure of last semester. I figured that, without volleyball, I would have plenty of time to keep up with everything. Little did I know how difficult and fast paced calculus was going to be, or how involved my communications class, which was supposed to be an "easy A general ed" class. I had no clue that chemistry was going to be written in French (not really, it just feels that way). 

Pretty good at complaining, at least I can say that much about myself. Too bad you can major in being a cry baby! :)

Summer

I have completely given up on Sombrero Ranch, am almost convinced that place is a scam. Not a single word back, after applying over a month ago. No call, letter, not even an email. Oh well, it is not that big of a deal.

I am dying to hear back about the Michigan State animal behavior research internship. I am fully aware of how dismal my chances are, being a nobody from a nobody school applying for a national and highly competitive internship with some of the brightest animal behavioral scientists in the country. But a girl can always hope! Oh man, what that internship would do to my vet school application. . . just getting some real live experience somewhere other than Southern California would be amazing! I am pretty sure I would love every second, being in a part of the country I have never been before (and staying there long enough to get to know it), meeting new people and learning incredible new things, making connections with professionals in an area of science that is my passion. 

Sean and I were talking about it just yesterday; if I try and try to get into vet school and it never pans out, I will probably pursue some type of animal behavioral occupation. I just love watching animals and how they react to situations and stimuli, and trying to predict what they might do next. Trying to figure out what they are doing and why, it just fascinates me. Anyway, that's still my number one dream for this summer, we will see what the Lord has planned.

There is another option though, something that might dull the pain if I do not get the internship. A couple years ago, when I first went back to school, Sean and I went to Lake Mojave on a house boat trip. We had the time of our lives: an entire week in the quiet (no internet or cell phones) where all we did was kick back and float around in the warm water, snorkeling and paddling around in a borrowed kayak. We fished (I got the longest fish, a cat fish, and Sean caught the largest, a bass). 

Sean wants to go again this year, the week after I graduate from COD. Obviously I would not be able to go if I got the internship (although I think I could talk him into going out again in August after I got back, if it came to that).

Living Situations

Typical me, I am starting to truly worry about something that is far in the future.

I feel like the barn residency is so right, so me, that there could not possibly be another option. The problem is, my chances of getting a spot in one of the barns is slim to none. I need to acknowledge that and begin to truly analyze my options.  

I was beginning to feel like there will not even be an option for me to go to Davis if I do not get the barn residency, but Bonnie sat down with me and we did some research on living options near the university. Renting an apartment or even a room is not an option since the cheapest ones are over $500 per month. (We are not counting on the tomato farm still being available as the owner made it very clear that he needed someone right away, plus it is about four miles from the school which makes it somewhat inconvenient for riding Betsy the bike as transportation).

We do have Shorty, though, so Bonnie and I started checking out trailer parks. We found one that is only a mile and a half from the school (I am two miles from COD right now and that is no problem on my bike). It's called Slatter's Court, and the space rent is about $400 a month, and it gives me my own space as well as a place to wash clothes. I could also bring Mrow Mrow and Loki with me since they meet the "cats must be fixed" rule, but Cub would not be able to come. Of course I will bring Frog, Sean says he refuses to watch him for me down here. :) 

It seems like a very nice place to live. Maybe I could even bring some of my garden up with me, and brighten up the space around Shorty with the pretty flowers and veggie plants. At least I know there is hope if the barn does not come through. 

www.slatterscourt.com

 

My biggest hope is still the barn residency. At least I can honestly say I have experience living in a barn! My mom and sisters and I lived in a converted barn for a while, with real live horses as neighbors. :) The barn was not insulated, so we used mattresses against the steel walls to keep away the cold (when it snowed) and the heat (when the metal got so hot it would burn you). Let me tell you, every day was an adventure! I loved almost every second of it. :)